Three-Step Self-Reflection Process to Be Accountable and Get Clarity

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July 19, 2022 | Mark Altman

As a leader who is managing multiple generations, personalities, and workplace challenges, it can be easy to lose faith in your team. When people fail to meet our expectations regarding delegation, problem-solving, decision-making, or follow-through, you can start to develop a discouraged and impatient mindset. This often results in, among other things, starting to do everything yourself.

By taking on more and delegating less, leaders typically become more frustrated and resentful, work longer hours, experience burnout faster, and are less productive.

Here are three elements of self-awareness to use when you start feeling disappointed or that you are being met with resistance.

Three-Step Self-Reflection Process

Inner Voice: Everything I do is met with resistance .
Self-Awareness: Is it truly everything or just with certain people and situations?

Inner Voice: Why are some things I do met with fear and resistance?
Self-Awareness: People don’t want to be held accountable…OR perhaps they are dealing with their own challenges they don’t know how to effectively articulate. OR perhaps I could present and communicate more effectively so they would be more open to change.

Inner Voice: On top of everything else, nobody is responding to the emails I send.
Self-Awareness: A lot of factors contribute to why people don’t respond to messages so I won’t assume this reflects on me or this person’s perception of me or the message. I should speak to them and combine empathy and accountability to find out what is getting in the way of this aspect of their job.

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

How to Address Unmet Expectations

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July 19, 2022 | Mark Altman

Category:

Managing up, down, and across

The Problem:

Your team member didn’t follow instructions on a project and now you’re frustrated and unclear why this person didn’t meet expectations.

The Way You’ve Always Done It: 

When assessing other people’s intentions, most people default to either a glass half-empty or glass half-full approach. 

  • Glass half-empty: You assume that your team member had negative intentions. They were out to get you, acting maliciously, passive aggressive, etc. 
  • Glass half-full: You assume that your team member had positive intentions. Perhaps they had a bad day, are dealing with something personal that distracted them, didn’t fully understand the instructions from the outset, etc. 
The Issue with Assumptions: 

At MindsetGo, we don’t believe in assuming either positive or negative intent. When you assume: 

  • Negative intent: You end up in a negative emotional loop (frustration, anger, defensiveness) that isn’t useful for getting to the root cause of the issue. 
  • Positive intent: You may miss cues and signs indicating that something is in fact wrong that needs addressing. 
The MindsetGo Approach: 

Instead of defaulting to the positive or negative when assessing someone’s intentions, try defaulting to curiosity: “I wonder why Susie did that, wrote that, or said that…”

Curiosity disrupts your default thought processes and allows you to be in an information-gathering state that helps you clearly assess the situation. It also disrupts your team member’s thought process, as they likely know they didn’t meet expectations and may be bracing for the worst.

Curiosity is a practice – and not always an easy one. If you are finding it difficult to default to curiosity, allow yourself a moment to feel your frustration, anger, etc., and then decide how you want to show up and lead. 

Takeaways: 
  • When assessing someone’s intentions, instead of defaulting to the positive (where you might miss something critical) or negative (where you’ll end up frustrated), default to curiosity (where you can gather information to accurately assess the situation). 
  • If you struggle to be curious when someone has disappointed you or not met your expectations, allow yourself to feel your feelings and then make a choice about how you want to show up and what kind of leader you want to be.

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Managing Yourself; Courageous Conversations; Leading with Emotional Intelligence; Manager as a Coach 

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Someone on My Team Won’t Change – What Do I Do?

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June 22, 2022 | Mark Altman 

Category:

Managing down 

The Problem:

You’ve requested repeatedly that your employee better communicate project updates, but nothing has changed. 

Conversation Preparation Steps: 

Your role as a manager – and coach – is to: 

  1. Identify potential root cause(s) of your employee’s resistance to change, and 
  2. Set realistic outcomes for an initial conversation.
Identify The Root Cause: 

Get in a mindset of curiosity, not judgment, to understand what is driving your employee’s behavior. Ask questions to get to the real (not perceived) problem and empathize with the reason they haven’t yet been willing or able to change. 

Your employee may: 

  • Lack self-awareness and not realize they are continuing the unwanted behavior. 
  • Not see the value in changing their behavior. 
  • Not be willing to accept help/feedback. 
  • Not feel confident in or committed to implementing the new desired behavior. 
Set Realistic Outcomes for an Initial Conversation:

Change takes time. When we want someone to alter their behavior, we need to level-set our own expectations to be realistic. The following are the steps you must help your employee move through before any change can or will be made. 

Step 1: Employee gains awareness of and alignment on the problem. 

Step 2: Employee articulates that they see value in a different approach. 

Step 3: Employee identifies and articulates the benefits/rewards of making a change. 

Step 4: Employee creates incremental SMART goals and a follow-up plan. 

Step 5: Employee feels confident and committed regarding the goals and action plan.

Step 6: Employee plans to put new habits and behaviors into action. 

Takeaways: 
  • Often, we want a change conversation to be straightforward: “You’re doing/not doing X, and I want you to do Y instead,” but this approach is often ineffective.
  • To create change, we must first understand the root cause of an employee’s resistance to change, so that we can address it.
  • When implementing change, we must remember that there are several steps to creating lasting change. If we expect change instantly, we are likely to be frustrated and disappointed. 

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Managing Yourself; Courageous Conversations; Assertiveness

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

How to Stop Solving the Wrong Problems

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June 15, 2022 | Megan Fine 

A few weeks ago, my sweet grandmother passed away peacefully in her sleep. She was beloved by all who knew her, truly warm, charming, and delightful. She is and will continue to be dearly missed. 

Though her passing was not unexpected, I realized a few days before the funeral that I didn’t have something appropriate to wear.

I voiced my concern to my partner, Ilan, in a mind-dump of both emotions and logistics. In a kind attempt to help, he said, “Well, why don’t you wear a black cardigan? A black cardigan would be modest and match pretty much anything.”

The thing is – though I hadn’t voiced it – I wasn’t worried about my cardigan selection. I was far more focused on my shoes. I had a dress, but the heels I own didn’t match (and I wasn’t sure I could make it through a calling hour, service, burial, and reception in heels anyway!), flats didn’t seem quite right, and it was going to be in the 40s – too cold for sandals.

Though I knew he was trying to help, I felt annoyed at Ilan’s suggestion – now, in addition to figuring out what shoes to wear, I had to explain why a black cardigan was not the solution to my outfit issues.

This example is small (I love Ilan and his intentions were good!), but it highlights something we so often do when trying to help others – we jump into problem-solving mode too quickly and end up solving the wrong problem. Because he didn’t ask questions to understand my actual challenge (versus the perceived one), my partner provided a solution that was not a solution at all.

Had Ilan simply said, “Tell me more,” or probed, “What are you worried about specifically?” rather than jumping to an answer, he would have known what the true problem was, and we both could have avoided unnecessary stress and aggravation. 

The next time a team member or peer comes to your desk with a challenge or problem, remember to ask questions to understand the actual issue, not the perceived one. It will save you the trouble of solving the wrong problem and help you provide advice that’s truly worth your two cents.

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

My boss no shows or is late to our one-on-ones – Help!

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June 6, 2022 | Mark Altman

Category:

Managing up

The Problem:

Your boss is either consistently late or doesn’t show up at all for your 1:1s. In addition, they don’t give you a heads up or let you know they’re running late or not coming. Worse, they don’t seem to care or feel remorseful about their tardiness or no shows. 

The Root Cause: 

Your boss may: 

  • Struggle to manage themselves; they may be so overwhelmed with their schedule, putting out fires, and keeping up with the workload that communication stops. 
  • Have authority entitlement: “You work for me, and my priority is taking care of our customers/clients/prospects.” 
  • Be putting customers or sales prospects before you and expect you to understand that. 
  • Not value the 1:1s anyway so they see it as no big deal. 
The Solution:

Multiple Challenges/Determine a Realistic Outcome 

There are three separate problems here and it is unlikely you can solve all of them in one conversation. 

  1. Your boss is a varying degree of late,
  2. They don’t let you know, and
  3. They don’t seem to care.

Pick a starting point. In this case, it is that they at least extend the courtesy of letting you know when their plans change. 

The Conversation 

Have a “Managing Up” conversation with your boss and share your observation/experience to get alignment on the issue. Your boss may respond and say how busy they’ve been, make excuses, or otherwise not validate what you’re saying. Don’t let that deter you or get emotionally invested in their response.  

Make the Ask 

Instead, be direct, lead with empathy, and ask for permission: “I appreciate how much you have on your plate. Would it be okay to please let me know if you’re running late or can’t make a meeting? When you don’t do that, I’m missing out on opportunities to be productive, support my own team, and help the company be successful.” 

Make your request direct and reasonable, with a compelling motivation for them to comply. 

Proactive Accountability  

To help your boss build self-awareness and ultimately shift their behavior, ask, “If I become aware of you doing that again, do I have permission to hold you accountable?”

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Speak Up to Keep Up Assertiveness Training; Courageous Conversations 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

Have a Colleague Who Consistently Interrupts You? Here’s What to Do About It

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May 30, 2022 | Mark Altman

Category:

Managing across

The Problem:

A colleague interrupts and speaks over you. 

The Root Cause:

Your colleague may: 

  • Not value your role/feedback. 
  • Not respect you. 
  • Feel what they have to say is most important. 
  • Have a blind spot: they don’t know they’re doing it; no one has ever given them the feedback.
The Resolution: 

You will need to have a managing across conversation with your colleague. These conversations can be challenging as you don’t have authority over someone when managing across. To set yourself up for success, use the following conversation template. 

Determine a Realistic Goal for the Conversation

Ideally, the first time we give feedback to someone, they immediately and permanently change their behavior, but that rarely happens. Set a goal and a realistic ask prior to the conversation.

Ask Permission 

Start the conversation by asking permission to give your colleague feedback: “Would it be okay if I give you feedback about something that’s been on my mind?”

Get Alignment 

Share your feedback and then ensure you are on the same page: “It’s been my experience in meetings that you sometimes interrupt and talk over me. I’m wondering if it surprises you to hear that?”

Share Observation (if appropriate) 

If your colleague responds that they are surprised or didn’t realize they were doing that, provide one or two concrete examples.

Make the Ask 

If your colleague responds with agreement – “I do tend to do that, I’m sorry” – then share your ask. Remember, this person may have had this habit for a long time; if your goal is for them to stop interrupting you entirely, that may not be realistic. 

Practice Proactive Accountability  

To help your colleague build self-awareness and ultimately shift their behavior, ask, “If I become aware of you doing that again, do I have permission to hold you accountable?”

Takeaways: 
  • Follow the template for a Managing Across Conversation: Determine Realistic Goal, Ask Permission, Get Alignment, Share Observation, Make the Ask, and Practice Proactive Accountability. 
  • Remember, habits take a long time to build but aren’t easy to break. Even if your colleague has good intentions, they likely will not change their behavior overnight. Ask permission to hold them accountable to support them in the change. 

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Speak Up to Keep Up Assertiveness Training; Courageous Conversations 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

Stop Having Repeat Conversations with Your Team (Here’s How)

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May 17, 2022 | Mark Altman 

Picture this: it’s Monday morning and you’re holding your weekly team meeting. You’re brainstorming how to improve lead capture on your website, and as Natalie is sharing an idea, Tom jumps in with his thoughts, steamrolling right over her.  

You can see Natalie bristle with frustration and then go quiet the rest of the meeting. Tom’s idea was a good one, but now you’re missing out on Natalie and likely other team members’ contributions. A little self-awareness on Tom’s part would go a long way here – and the worst part is, you’ve addressed this issue with him before. What are you missing? 

Here are our keys to more effective conversations – so you can have them once, not several times. 

First, make the conversation safe and minimize anxiety by setting it up as follows. 

You: Hey Tom, do you have a few minutes to talk? Can we do a quick 15-minute zoom?  

Tom: Sure, what’s it about?     

You: I’ve just been reflecting on something, and I want to pick your brain.

Then, start the conversation by gauging the person’s self-awareness around their behavior. 

You: So, I wanted to pick your brain about how our team meetings are going. What are your thoughts?  

Tom: They’re fine, I guess. Why do you ask ?

At this point, do two things:

  1. Get alignment on the problem.
  2. Share your perceptions and observations using I statements. 

You: The reason why I asked is because my perception is in meetings sometimes you tend to interrupt. (Pause) And I was just wondering, does that surprise you that I’m saying that? 

If your employee becomes defensive or starts listing excuses, provide a tangible example of their behavior. 

Tom: Kind of. No one has ever given me that feedback before.  

You: No problem. I understand. So, I’m going to give you an example if that’s okay, just so you can understand my perspective.  

Tom: Okay, sure.

You: Yesterday, when Natalie was sharing during our brainstorm on lead capture, you jumped in before she had a chance to finish speaking. I noticed she seemed frustrated and didn’t share much after that. 

Tom: Yeah, I guess I could see that.

Now, here is where many leaders get it wrong because they make an ask, and given the hierarchy of leader and team member, of course the person will agree.  

Common Leadership Response: So, I am asking you to be mindful of not interrupting when someone else is sharing their thoughts. 

In addition, leaders who go this route:

  • Haven’t taken time to understand the root cause of the problem
  • Don’t know if their team member is motivated to change their behavior
  • Don’t know if their team member has the skills to change their behavior
  • Are seeking compliance instead of collaboration 

Why is Tom jumping into conversations at inappropriate times? How long has he had this habit? Does he see a compelling reason to change his behavior? Does he know how to go about changing his behavior? 

Without the emotional and conversational intelligence to address these questions and challenges, most leaders end up having the same conversations and making the same requests repeatedly without results. 

At MindsetGo, we build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets to create lasting habit and behavior change. If you’re ready to develop the emotional and conversational intelligence you need to stop having repeat conversations, contact us today. It never hurts to talk!

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

What to Do When an Employee Circumvents the Chain of Command

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May 4, 2022 | Mark Altman 

Category:

Managing up, down, and across 

The Problem:

Your direct report or colleague consistently circumvents the chain of command by going to your boss with questions and concerns instead of you. 

The Root Cause: 

Your report or colleague may: 

  • Feel frustrated at a lack of progress on something they want accomplished. 
  • Have an unmet expectation – something they wanted you to do that you didn’t – even though they may not have articulated that expectation to you. 
  • Not feel you are empowered to do anything about their problem. 
Your Choices:

You have the option to: 

  • Internalize the situation (and make it mean something about you, your report/colleague, your leadership skills, etc.), or 
  • Address it. 

If you choose to address it, you will need to have two conversations: one managing up and one managing across or down. 

Managing Up Conversation 

Have a conversation with your supervisor about the report/colleague’s behavior. 

You: Hey Susan, Jane is going to you to solve X problem instead of me. Have you noticed that?  

Allow your supervisor to respond. They may justify the behavior or make an excuse and regardless of their response, ask: “Will you support me in not enabling that behavior as it will impact my credibility otherwise?” 

Managing Down/Across Conversation 

Have a non-confrontational conversation with Jane. Use a curious, empathetic, nonjudgmental tone.  

You: Hey Jane, I noticed you went to my boss for X problem. I’m wondering why you didn’t just come to me directly? 

Jane may either become defensive or make an excuse and either way, empathize and validate her perspective, and then inquire further as needed: “I’m wondering why you made that choice?”  

Takeaways: 
  • You have choices: you can ignore the problem and hope it doesn’t repeat, internalize your frustration, or have a courageous conversation. 
  • If you choose to be assertive, you must have two conversations: one to ensure that your boss isn’t enabling the behavior and one to understand why the person is making that choice. 

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Managing Yourself; Courageous Conversations; Assertiveness 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

How to Know If You’re a Good Leader (or Parent or Teammate or Friend)

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April 8, 2022 | Mark Altman

Do you ever find yourself wondering: Was I a good leader today? Was I a good parent? Was I a good teammate? Was I a good friend?

Without a clear way to evaluate the diverse roles we play in our lives, we often default to the negative, find flaws, and beat ourselves up for where we perceive we failed. Our philosophy at MindsetGo is that we don’t allow our clients to criticize themselves unless they have a clear set of criteria to evaluate their performance whether it be personally or professionally.

The way we coach people to overcome this challenge is to develop a variety of success templates. A success template removes ambiguity from the equation, allows you to clearly recognize what you did well, and offers clear guidance to improve next time. It focuses less on outcomes and more on recognizing the habits and behaviors you can control and influence in any of your personal or professional roles.

Take performance conversations for example. As a leader, to date, your evaluation of performance conversations has likely been: the conversation was a success if the person immediately changed their behavior and unsuccessful if they didn’t.

But what if you instead evaluated the conversation using our MindsetGo Four Communication Ingredients success template? 

  • Was my word choice compassionate, respectful, and kind?
  • Was my tone curious and empathetic?
  • Was my body language positive and open?
  • Did I listen to understand, rather than respond?
  • Did I maintain the four ingredients throughout the conversation?

This template provides a benchmark for assessing your behavior around word choice, tone, body language, and listening, rather than the response of your employee. By improving these ingredients, you will be better able to influence your employee’s thoughts, feelings, and actions.

If you’re committed to building more self-awareness around your ability to become a confident and effective communicator, email us at info@mindsetgo.com and we’ll share our Situational Awareness Journal, a powerful tool we use to empower clients to start and sustain their habits through incremental growth. 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

Putting Things in Perspective…A Positive One

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March 31, 2022 | Mark Altman & Megan Fine 

A few days ago, my client, Laura, showed up to our coaching session with a chagrined look on her face. 

“I’m doing okay,” she told me, “But I didn’t do everything we talked about.” 

“Okay. No problem,” I told her. “Let’s talk about it.” 

And lo and behold, we walked through each one of her action steps, and I kid you not, she had completed every one. 

“Laura! You did everything we talked about. What am I missing?” I asked. 

“I didn’t work out this week. That’s one of my goals, and I didn’t make any progress,” she replied. 

Here’s the thing – Laura and I have a long list of goals we’re working on together. Her exercise routine is on the list but was not something we were focused on that week. Our intention was to build a few other habits and routines first, before adding in time at the gym. 

Raise your hand if you’ve been Laura – you’re knocking it out of the park, but all you can see is the thing you didn’t do or the (perceived) mistake you made. 

Human beings are problem-solvers by nature; we are designed to look for things that aren’t going well, so we can fix them, instead of recognizing and celebrating what is working. 

So often, we focus on outcomes – did I achieve the thing I wanted to achieve? – and overlook the progress we’re making even when things don’t go the way we’d like. For this reason, whether you’re trying something new, gearing yourself up for a difficult conversation, or trying to be more patient with your partner or kid, recognizing what you are doing right is critical. 

If you’re worried that this approach might lend itself to complacency or a missed opportunity to change your behavior for a better outcome next time, no problem. Instead of criticizing and judging yourself, simply reflect: 

  • What went well? 
  • What can I control to create a different outcome? 
  • What would be an incremental improvement? 

Start noticing how many things are going right – and explore the exciting possibilities of how they can get even better. 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build the confidence, develop the skills, and embrace the mindset to create lasting habit and behavior change.

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