How to Address Unmet Expectations
Category: Blog
July 19, 2022 | Mark Altman
Category:
Managing up, down, and across
The Problem:
Your team member didn’t follow instructions on a project and now you’re frustrated and unclear why this person didn’t meet expectations.
The Way You’ve Always Done It:
When assessing other people’s intentions, most people default to either a glass half-empty or glass half-full approach.
- Glass half-empty: You assume that your team member had negative intentions. They were out to get you, acting maliciously, passive aggressive, etc.
- Glass half-full: You assume that your team member had positive intentions. Perhaps they had a bad day, are dealing with something personal that distracted them, didn’t fully understand the instructions from the outset, etc.
The Issue with Assumptions:
At MindsetGo, we don’t believe in assuming either positive or negative intent. When you assume:
- Negative intent: You end up in a negative emotional loop (frustration, anger, defensiveness) that isn’t useful for getting to the root cause of the issue.
- Positive intent: You may miss cues and signs indicating that something is in fact wrong that needs addressing.
The MindsetGo Approach:
Instead of defaulting to the positive or negative when assessing someone’s intentions, try defaulting to curiosity: “I wonder why Susie did that, wrote that, or said that…”
Curiosity disrupts your default thought processes and allows you to be in an information-gathering state that helps you clearly assess the situation. It also disrupts your team member’s thought process, as they likely know they didn’t meet expectations and may be bracing for the worst.
Curiosity is a practice – and not always an easy one. If you are finding it difficult to default to curiosity, allow yourself a moment to feel your frustration, anger, etc., and then decide how you want to show up and lead.
Takeaways:
- When assessing someone’s intentions, instead of defaulting to the positive (where you might miss something critical) or negative (where you’ll end up frustrated), default to curiosity (where you can gather information to accurately assess the situation).
- If you struggle to be curious when someone has disappointed you or not met your expectations, allow yourself to feel your feelings and then make a choice about how you want to show up and what kind of leader you want to be.
Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Managing Yourself; Courageous Conversations; Leading with Emotional Intelligence; Manager as a Coach
Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.