My boss no shows or is late to our one-on-ones – Help!

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June 6, 2022 | Mark Altman

Category:

Managing up

The Problem:

Your boss is either consistently late or doesn’t show up at all for your 1:1s. In addition, they don’t give you a heads up or let you know they’re running late or not coming. Worse, they don’t seem to care or feel remorseful about their tardiness or no shows. 

The Root Cause: 

Your boss may: 

  • Struggle to manage themselves; they may be so overwhelmed with their schedule, putting out fires, and keeping up with the workload that communication stops. 
  • Have authority entitlement: “You work for me, and my priority is taking care of our customers/clients/prospects.” 
  • Be putting customers or sales prospects before you and expect you to understand that. 
  • Not value the 1:1s anyway so they see it as no big deal. 
The Solution:

Multiple Challenges/Determine a Realistic Outcome 

There are three separate problems here and it is unlikely you can solve all of them in one conversation. 

  1. Your boss is a varying degree of late,
  2. They don’t let you know, and
  3. They don’t seem to care.

Pick a starting point. In this case, it is that they at least extend the courtesy of letting you know when their plans change. 

The Conversation 

Have a “Managing Up” conversation with your boss and share your observation/experience to get alignment on the issue. Your boss may respond and say how busy they’ve been, make excuses, or otherwise not validate what you’re saying. Don’t let that deter you or get emotionally invested in their response.  

Make the Ask 

Instead, be direct, lead with empathy, and ask for permission: “I appreciate how much you have on your plate. Would it be okay to please let me know if you’re running late or can’t make a meeting? When you don’t do that, I’m missing out on opportunities to be productive, support my own team, and help the company be successful.” 

Make your request direct and reasonable, with a compelling motivation for them to comply. 

Proactive Accountability  

To help your boss build self-awareness and ultimately shift their behavior, ask, “If I become aware of you doing that again, do I have permission to hold you accountable?”

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Speak Up to Keep Up Assertiveness Training; Courageous Conversations 

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Have a Colleague Who Consistently Interrupts You? Here’s What to Do About It

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May 30, 2022 | Mark Altman

Category:

Managing across

The Problem:

A colleague interrupts and speaks over you. 

The Root Cause:

Your colleague may: 

  • Not value your role/feedback. 
  • Not respect you. 
  • Feel what they have to say is most important. 
  • Have a blind spot: they don’t know they’re doing it; no one has ever given them the feedback.
The Resolution: 

You will need to have a managing across conversation with your colleague. These conversations can be challenging as you don’t have authority over someone when managing across. To set yourself up for success, use the following conversation template. 

Determine a Realistic Goal for the Conversation

Ideally, the first time we give feedback to someone, they immediately and permanently change their behavior, but that rarely happens. Set a goal and a realistic ask prior to the conversation.

Ask Permission 

Start the conversation by asking permission to give your colleague feedback: “Would it be okay if I give you feedback about something that’s been on my mind?”

Get Alignment 

Share your feedback and then ensure you are on the same page: “It’s been my experience in meetings that you sometimes interrupt and talk over me. I’m wondering if it surprises you to hear that?”

Share Observation (if appropriate) 

If your colleague responds that they are surprised or didn’t realize they were doing that, provide one or two concrete examples.

Make the Ask 

If your colleague responds with agreement – “I do tend to do that, I’m sorry” – then share your ask. Remember, this person may have had this habit for a long time; if your goal is for them to stop interrupting you entirely, that may not be realistic. 

Practice Proactive Accountability  

To help your colleague build self-awareness and ultimately shift their behavior, ask, “If I become aware of you doing that again, do I have permission to hold you accountable?”

Takeaways: 
  • Follow the template for a Managing Across Conversation: Determine Realistic Goal, Ask Permission, Get Alignment, Share Observation, Make the Ask, and Practice Proactive Accountability. 
  • Remember, habits take a long time to build but aren’t easy to break. Even if your colleague has good intentions, they likely will not change their behavior overnight. Ask permission to hold them accountable to support them in the change. 

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Speak Up to Keep Up Assertiveness Training; Courageous Conversations 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

Stop Having Repeat Conversations with Your Team (Here’s How)

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May 17, 2022 | Mark Altman 

Picture this: it’s Monday morning and you’re holding your weekly team meeting. You’re brainstorming how to improve lead capture on your website, and as Natalie is sharing an idea, Tom jumps in with his thoughts, steamrolling right over her.  

You can see Natalie bristle with frustration and then go quiet the rest of the meeting. Tom’s idea was a good one, but now you’re missing out on Natalie and likely other team members’ contributions. A little self-awareness on Tom’s part would go a long way here – and the worst part is, you’ve addressed this issue with him before. What are you missing? 

Here are our keys to more effective conversations – so you can have them once, not several times. 

First, make the conversation safe and minimize anxiety by setting it up as follows. 

You: Hey Tom, do you have a few minutes to talk? Can we do a quick 15-minute zoom?  

Tom: Sure, what’s it about?     

You: I’ve just been reflecting on something, and I want to pick your brain.

Then, start the conversation by gauging the person’s self-awareness around their behavior. 

You: So, I wanted to pick your brain about how our team meetings are going. What are your thoughts?  

Tom: They’re fine, I guess. Why do you ask ?

At this point, do two things:

  1. Get alignment on the problem.
  2. Share your perceptions and observations using I statements. 

You: The reason why I asked is because my perception is in meetings sometimes you tend to interrupt. (Pause) And I was just wondering, does that surprise you that I’m saying that? 

If your employee becomes defensive or starts listing excuses, provide a tangible example of their behavior. 

Tom: Kind of. No one has ever given me that feedback before.  

You: No problem. I understand. So, I’m going to give you an example if that’s okay, just so you can understand my perspective.  

Tom: Okay, sure.

You: Yesterday, when Natalie was sharing during our brainstorm on lead capture, you jumped in before she had a chance to finish speaking. I noticed she seemed frustrated and didn’t share much after that. 

Tom: Yeah, I guess I could see that.

Now, here is where many leaders get it wrong because they make an ask, and given the hierarchy of leader and team member, of course the person will agree.  

Common Leadership Response: So, I am asking you to be mindful of not interrupting when someone else is sharing their thoughts. 

In addition, leaders who go this route:

  • Haven’t taken time to understand the root cause of the problem
  • Don’t know if their team member is motivated to change their behavior
  • Don’t know if their team member has the skills to change their behavior
  • Are seeking compliance instead of collaboration 

Why is Tom jumping into conversations at inappropriate times? How long has he had this habit? Does he see a compelling reason to change his behavior? Does he know how to go about changing his behavior? 

Without the emotional and conversational intelligence to address these questions and challenges, most leaders end up having the same conversations and making the same requests repeatedly without results. 

At MindsetGo, we build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets to create lasting habit and behavior change. If you’re ready to develop the emotional and conversational intelligence you need to stop having repeat conversations, contact us today. It never hurts to talk!

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

What to Do When an Employee Circumvents the Chain of Command

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May 4, 2022 | Mark Altman 

Category:

Managing up, down, and across 

The Problem:

Your direct report or colleague consistently circumvents the chain of command by going to your boss with questions and concerns instead of you. 

The Root Cause: 

Your report or colleague may: 

  • Feel frustrated at a lack of progress on something they want accomplished. 
  • Have an unmet expectation – something they wanted you to do that you didn’t – even though they may not have articulated that expectation to you. 
  • Not feel you are empowered to do anything about their problem. 
Your Choices:

You have the option to: 

  • Internalize the situation (and make it mean something about you, your report/colleague, your leadership skills, etc.), or 
  • Address it. 

If you choose to address it, you will need to have two conversations: one managing up and one managing across or down. 

Managing Up Conversation 

Have a conversation with your supervisor about the report/colleague’s behavior. 

You: Hey Susan, Jane is going to you to solve X problem instead of me. Have you noticed that?  

Allow your supervisor to respond. They may justify the behavior or make an excuse and regardless of their response, ask: “Will you support me in not enabling that behavior as it will impact my credibility otherwise?” 

Managing Down/Across Conversation 

Have a non-confrontational conversation with Jane. Use a curious, empathetic, nonjudgmental tone.  

You: Hey Jane, I noticed you went to my boss for X problem. I’m wondering why you didn’t just come to me directly? 

Jane may either become defensive or make an excuse and either way, empathize and validate her perspective, and then inquire further as needed: “I’m wondering why you made that choice?”  

Takeaways: 
  • You have choices: you can ignore the problem and hope it doesn’t repeat, internalize your frustration, or have a courageous conversation. 
  • If you choose to be assertive, you must have two conversations: one to ensure that your boss isn’t enabling the behavior and one to understand why the person is making that choice. 

Content derived from MindsetGo Training Programs: Managing Yourself; Courageous Conversations; Assertiveness 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

How to Know If You’re a Good Leader (or Parent or Teammate or Friend)

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April 8, 2022 | Mark Altman

Do you ever find yourself wondering: Was I a good leader today? Was I a good parent? Was I a good teammate? Was I a good friend?

Without a clear way to evaluate the diverse roles we play in our lives, we often default to the negative, find flaws, and beat ourselves up for where we perceive we failed. Our philosophy at MindsetGo is that we don’t allow our clients to criticize themselves unless they have a clear set of criteria to evaluate their performance whether it be personally or professionally.

The way we coach people to overcome this challenge is to develop a variety of success templates. A success template removes ambiguity from the equation, allows you to clearly recognize what you did well, and offers clear guidance to improve next time. It focuses less on outcomes and more on recognizing the habits and behaviors you can control and influence in any of your personal or professional roles.

Take performance conversations for example. As a leader, to date, your evaluation of performance conversations has likely been: the conversation was a success if the person immediately changed their behavior and unsuccessful if they didn’t.

But what if you instead evaluated the conversation using our MindsetGo Four Communication Ingredients success template? 

  • Was my word choice compassionate, respectful, and kind?
  • Was my tone curious and empathetic?
  • Was my body language positive and open?
  • Did I listen to understand, rather than respond?
  • Did I maintain the four ingredients throughout the conversation?

This template provides a benchmark for assessing your behavior around word choice, tone, body language, and listening, rather than the response of your employee. By improving these ingredients, you will be better able to influence your employee’s thoughts, feelings, and actions.

If you’re committed to building more self-awareness around your ability to become a confident and effective communicator, email us at info@mindsetgo.com and we’ll share our Situational Awareness Journal, a powerful tool we use to empower clients to start and sustain their habits through incremental growth. 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build confidence, develop skills, and shift mindsets and habits for lasting change.

Putting Things in Perspective…A Positive One

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March 31, 2022 | Mark Altman & Megan Fine 

A few days ago, my client, Laura, showed up to our coaching session with a chagrined look on her face. 

“I’m doing okay,” she told me, “But I didn’t do everything we talked about.” 

“Okay. No problem,” I told her. “Let’s talk about it.” 

And lo and behold, we walked through each one of her action steps, and I kid you not, she had completed every one. 

“Laura! You did everything we talked about. What am I missing?” I asked. 

“I didn’t work out this week. That’s one of my goals, and I didn’t make any progress,” she replied. 

Here’s the thing – Laura and I have a long list of goals we’re working on together. Her exercise routine is on the list but was not something we were focused on that week. Our intention was to build a few other habits and routines first, before adding in time at the gym. 

Raise your hand if you’ve been Laura – you’re knocking it out of the park, but all you can see is the thing you didn’t do or the (perceived) mistake you made. 

Human beings are problem-solvers by nature; we are designed to look for things that aren’t going well, so we can fix them, instead of recognizing and celebrating what is working. 

So often, we focus on outcomes – did I achieve the thing I wanted to achieve? – and overlook the progress we’re making even when things don’t go the way we’d like. For this reason, whether you’re trying something new, gearing yourself up for a difficult conversation, or trying to be more patient with your partner or kid, recognizing what you are doing right is critical. 

If you’re worried that this approach might lend itself to complacency or a missed opportunity to change your behavior for a better outcome next time, no problem. Instead of criticizing and judging yourself, simply reflect: 

  • What went well? 
  • What can I control to create a different outcome? 
  • What would be an incremental improvement? 

Start noticing how many things are going right – and explore the exciting possibilities of how they can get even better. 

Enjoy this post? Contact us at MindsetGo to empower your leaders and teams to build the confidence, develop the skills, and embrace the mindset to create lasting habit and behavior change.

There’s No Downside to Intentionality…Right?

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March 14, 2022 | Mark Altman & Megan Fine


Intentional (adjective): done on purpose; deliberate


As a leader, you’re likely onboard with the idea of thinking and acting intentionally. You set goals, OKRs, and KPIs thoughtfully, considering the needs and objectives of your organization, and making data-driven decisions for optimal outcomes and success. 

As coaches, we also counsel our clients to behave intentionally – to think through their goals, motivating factors, and consequences of inaction – and execute their action plans with mindfulness and focus. 

So, when then does intentionality become a problem? When can intentionality be taken too far? 

When we are outcome and data-driven, we often achieve our objectives – but the question is, at what cost? What do we miss when we are laser-focused on hitting our targets and optimizing time and productivity? 

We miss people. When we are so focused on end results, we can forget that people – human beings – are driving and producing those results. We miss the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of the individuals who help us achieve our success. 

MIT Sloan recently released a study on the drivers of the Great Resignation, and fascinatingly, high levels of innovation at an organization was a strong predictor of attrition: “The more positively employees talked about innovation at their company, the more likely they were to quit.” Innovation is fantastic – until it comes at a cost to your people. 

The same goes for productivity. Take meetings as a prime example. We’ve all been in meetings that aren’t intentional – disorganized, lacking clear next steps, or the “this could have been an email” type. On the other hand, meetings led with the intention of making every second count can sometimes leave us feeling out of breath, like we didn’t have time or space to voice concerns, share ideas, or thoughtfully consider the work at hand.

Leading in a way that takes people’s experiences into consideration starts with self-awareness. Do you authentically check-in with your team at the beginning of your meetings before diving into the work? Do you allow time for people to share ideas, discuss, and collaborate? Do you ask for feedback rather than assuming you know how people are experiencing your meetings? 

If you don’t, that’s okay – you now have the self-awareness to start building these habits. Keep noticing where you might be prioritizing outcomes and efficiency at the expense of your people, and make sure intentionality isn’t working against you by ensuring their thoughts, feelings, and experiences are part of the equation. 

For support with meeting facilitation and employee engagement, CONTACT US at MindsetGo. We empower your leaders and teams to build the confidence, develop the skills, and embrace the mindset to create lasting habit and behavior change. 

What to Do When You’re Not Motivated

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February 1, 2022 | Megan Fine 

How often have you wanted to do something, but when the time comes, you’re simply not motivated? 

Why do we struggle to follow through on the things we say want to do? Why is it so hard to change even one small habit? 

If I told you there was a tool that could double or triple your likelihood of following through on a new habit, would you be willing to try it? 

The secret to change is so simple, most people will disregard it as too easy and basic to be effective. Studies show that using an implementation intention can increase likelihood of follow through from 35% up to 91%. 

What is an implementation intention? An implementation intention is an action plan that articulates when and where we will perform a new habit. Use the following formula to create an implementation intention: 

  • When situation X arises, I will perform response Y.

For example, if your resolution this year was to be more focused and productive at work, here are a couple ways you might translate that goal into an implementation intention: 

  • When I open my computer at the beginning of the day, I will work for 1 hour before checking my email. 
  • When I go to lunch, I will silence my phone so I can return to work refreshed.

You can also try formulating your implementation intention as an if/then statement to overcome any anticipated obstacles. (If situation X arises, I will perform response Y.) 

  • If I am tempted to go on Facebook during the workday, I will stretch for 5 minutes and then refocus on my priorities. 

So why do implementation intentions work? Planning out your behavior in advance means that you don’t have to rely on motivation to inspire you to act. You simply follow your predetermined plan when the appropriate situation arises. 

Implementation intentions also help us overcome habituated resistance, as they allow the brain to form new neural pathways by mentally rehearsing new behaviors before doing them. 

Still not convinced that this simple tool could be the difference-maker for you? Then don’t take my word for it – try it yourself.

Enjoy this post? Contact us to empower your leaders and teams to build the confidence, develop the skills, and embrace the mindset to create lasting habit and behavior change.

Proactive Change: “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It” is Bad Advice. Here’s Why

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January 24, 2022 | Mark Altman & Megan Fine 

Pause for a moment and tell me: how do you start your workday?

Do you sit down and open your inbox to 37 new emails…amidst the other 2,347 sitting there unfiled? Do you dig through the piles of paper on your desk to find that to-do list you started a couple days ago? Do you dive into one project, only to jump to another, and then forget where you were when you hear the chime of your Slack notifications?

It’s not so bad though, right? Your disorganization is costing you, what, maybe 10 minutes a day sorting through things to find what you really need or get focused. 

But if you think about it…if you’re working 250 days of the year, you’re actually losing 2,500 minutes. 42 hours. An entire work week of productivity. Ouch.

Most people don’t bother changing until their situation gets bad – until they get the poor performance review, or their spouse says, “We need to talk,” or their doctor sits them down for the test results no one wants to get back. 

This way of being is reactive, but there is a better way. It’s being proactive and acting before the situation escalates out of control and hands you consequences that you’d rather not experience. 

But being proactive is challenging, which is why so many of us don’t bother to do it. Everything’s fine, good enough, right? To work towards being more proactive, you must first be reflective and consider what changes might be worth making. To do that, consider these questions: 

If I don’t bother changing: 

  • What opportunities might I miss out on? 
  • What kind of problems might arise? 
  • What is the ultimate cost of doing nothing? 
  • Where will I be in 6 months, 1 year, 10 years? 

If I do bother changing: 

  • What good things might become possible? 
  • What might I be able to do that I can’t do now? 
  • What would be the best part of that? 
  • Where could I be in 6 months, 1 year, 10 years? 

As a leader, helping your team move from acting reactively, to being reflective, to acting proactively is an excellent ROI on your time. By walking people through the consequences of inaction and the benefits of making positive changes, you can motivate them to take action they otherwise wouldn’t have to optimize their personal and professional lives. 

10 minutes a day is 42 hours a year. What better things could you do with all that time? If you have a team of 10, what could you do with 10 extra work weeks each year? 

It’s time to retire, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” and lean into, “If it ain’t broke yet, it’s a great time to optimize!” 

Enjoy this post? Contact us to empower your leaders and teams to build the confidence, develop the skills, and embrace the mindset to create lasting habit and behavior change. 

Why Your Team Isn’t Following Through – And What to Do About It

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January 10, 2022 | Mark Altman

Picture this: it’s January, and you’re working on building a more effective social media marketing strategy this year. So you call up your marketing guy – let’s call him Steve – and you say, “Steve, we need a content calendar. Can you pull that together for next week?”

“Sure thing, no problem,” he tells you.

It’s a week later, and you follow up: “Hey Steve, how’s the content calendar coming?”

Silence, and then, “Uhh, the content calendar. Right. I didn’t have time to get to it this week…”

Cue the frustration. Why bother having a team if you can’t rely on them to follow through?

Yikes. Time for a reframe.

When a team member tells you they forgot or didn’t have time to do something, do you believe they’re actively trying to disappoint or frustrate you?

Life would be a lot easier if we could simply control other people. Unfortunately, that’s not the case; however, as leaders, we can influence their behavior and better set them up for success.

How do we do that? We ensure that we are getting commitment, not simply agreement, from our team.

  • Agreement = yes, in principal, I agree with what you’re saying
  • Commitment = I agree and I am set up to follow through

When motivating your team to act – to get commitment – you must help them articulate tangible and specific benefits of following through. Knowing what they need to do is not enough; they must understand why they need to do it.

Often, leaders have a top-down approach when articulating their why’s, i.e., they share their own reasoning with their team, but the most powerful motivation comes from team members articulating the why’s themselves.

I was recently coaching a client to take a 20-minute walk in the middle of his day, and he asked me, “Okay Mark, but what’s the return on investment?” For me, the answer was easy. I get six major benefits from taking a walk during my workday:

  • I get a break from screen time to clear my head.
  • I get fresh ideas about things I’m problem-solving.
  • Being outside in the fresh air is invigorating.
  • My stress levels drop by virtue of stepping away from work.
  • Things I may have forgotten pop into my head.
  • I plan for how I’m going to spend more time with my loved ones.

All great reasons for me to take a walk, but even more powerful is drawing out the client’s own specific and tangible benefits of building this new habit.

So let’s rethink that conversation with Steve. Next time, you might try: “Hey Steve, I feel like we need a content calendar. What do you think?”

“Okay, yeah, a content calendar. That could be useful.”

“How do you think having a content calendar might be helpful?”

“Hmm, well sometimes we miscommunicate about when we agreed to post things. And I know we talked about creating more coherent themes for our newsletters and social media pages. So that might help us plan a little better. And if we had a content calendar, we might be able to better align our posts with events we have going on.”

“Awesome, you think you can have that pulled together for our touch base next week?”

“You got it!”

Next time you meet with your team, focus on helping them articulate the benefits of the work they do, or the habits they’re trying to change, and let us know how it goes.

And stay tuned for our next post, where we’ll discuss the most effective tool for translating motivation into action.

Enjoy this post? Contact us to empower your leaders and teams to build the confidence, develop the skills, and embrace the mindset to create lasting habit and behavior change.

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