Accountability – A Powerful Tool of Influence and a Powerful Way to De-escalate Frustration

Category: Blog

June 5, 2024 | Mark Altman

If you travel for business, you’ve been there – getting ready to board a plane and hoping there is enough room in the overhead compartments, so you won’t have to check a bag.

On a recent Delta flight, several passengers’ hopes were dashed as they were given the bad news and had to check their bags. There was mild frustration with airline representatives, but one of our tenets at MindsetGo “Control what you can control,” seemed to be happening and people seemed to be dealing with the news. Until… as the last group boarded, the passengers realized there was more than enough room for their bags after all, and became incredulous.

People were expressing their frustration with criticism, accusations, and ridicule, and there were palpable murmurs throughout the cabin as negativity spread. We encounter this kind of behavior at companies quite a bit and refer to it as being a “reverse influencer”–a person who vents their frustration with their potential goals being to rile people up, solicit sympathy or empathy, and negatively impact the people around them. Often when people do this, they feel helpless, and this is what they see as an optimal coping strategy.

Now what? What choices did Delta personnel have? What choices does anyone have in a leadership position or when serving their customers when a mistake is made? Let’s review.

1. Be passive.  Don’t talk about it and act helpless and hopeless.

2. Be aggressive. Minimize a person’s frustration, be judgmental of that person, or turn it around on them because of how you feel you’re being treated.

3. The magical choice – Be accountable and assertive. Own the mistake. Explain why it happened without making excuses. Express sincere regret and empathize with the feelings that have been created.

This is what the Delta flight attendant said: “I know those of you who had to check your bags are frustrated because you can see we did have room on the plane after all and if I were in your shoes, I would feel the same. On behalf of the flight crew, we wanted to share how this mix-up occurred. Our normal process is to communicate with gate attendants, so we understand how much room is available as passengers are boarding the plane, and the communication was poor and unclear in this case. We usually err on the side of caution to expedite boarding to minimize delays and avoid taking unnecessary time checking extra bags. With that said, we own the mistake and sincerely apologize.”

Hallelujah. She made the right choice. I told her how impressed I was with how she handled it, and she was sincerely appreciative I took the time to pass along the kind words.

In cases like this, you can’t fix the actual problem that happened, but you can make it better, and owning mistakes is a powerful way to de-escalate frustration. The only tools in the toolbox you have are accountability, empathy, and authenticity. Many leaders and businesses miss the opportunity to be accountable to de-escalate situations and build trust. It is not a difficult concept, although it requires being comfortable with vulnerability, and risking and knowing how to deal with a potential conflict. We have all been in difficult spots in our lives when we needed to choose how best to communicate in problem-solving mode. It was refreshing to see someone make the right choice, especially in the travel industry.

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